Let's meet up, on the Net!

written on Nov 1:

In a world that’s always connected, there are still some people who seem to be fumbling in the dark, clueless as to what needs to be done, what’s expected of them. To make it easier for them, we dusted our Mahabharata and brought back to life the larger-than-life Pandavas. Here’s a conversation between a ‘party animal’ and the eldest Pandava, Yudhishthira, on how to get oneself noticed by the world while fulfilling one’s duties towards family, friends, society and even one’s nation:

So the Pandavas went out on a vacation and found none of them had thought of carrying water. Being the youngest, and hence the one most bullied, Sahadev set out in search of drinkable water in the wilderness. Sahadev didn’t return so Nakul went in search, of his lost brother and water. The same thing happened and it carried on till it was the oldest, and the wisest --and of course the one most prone to just talk and not move any other muscles except those facial—Yudhishthira who had to go look.

The Wise One came across an erstwhile party animal who told him how the rest of the socially deprived Pandavas couldn’t reveal to him the mantras to a successful social life in these modern times, so he had imprisoned them. It was upon their eldest to rescue them. Here’s how he went about doing the same. And they all lived happily ever after, on FB, twitter, watsapp and wechat:

Q1. I used to be the life of every party. However, once we all grew up and started working, there’s hardly any time for partying. So besides my colleagues and immediate family, no one even knows that I exist. What can I do?

A.   You can spent whatever spare time you have on social networking sites and keep making your presence felt by poking a distant cousin, a former boss’ son, your neighbour’s neighbour, basically, any random person.

Q2. So once I have established myself as a living, breathing, social person, how do I sustain that image?

A.   You can start your day by sending out good morning messages on watsapp or share a "thought of the day". While this may not turn you into an instant celebrity, you definitely stand a good chance of being a group administrator.

Q3. How can a person duly fulfil his social duties in these fast times?

A. That is not difficult at all. You can wish people on their birthdays, anniversaries. That isn’t tough, considering all these sites will remind you who is celebrating what occasion on a particular day.

Q4.What is the best way to fulfil our duties towards our parents?

A.   Sharing ready-to-use posters like ‘MOM is Great’ or ‘DAD RULES’ and singing praises will do the trick even if you are too busy to call up your parents regularly just to check on them and also to have them hear your voice.

B.   You can fool the public into believing you had a perfect childhood by sending out stuff like how ‘parents are erasers to the mistakes we make and we should respect them’ even if you had the most dysfunctional childhood and cannot see eye to eye with your folks.

Q5. How do you convince yourself and those around you that you are a good parent?

A.   You can start out by wishing your child on a social networking website even if he is too young to have an account there to access your message. Better still, you can share some anecdote pertaining to your child even if it happened on the rarest of rare occasions that you spent time with him.

Q6.What would your advice be to someone who has just got married?

A.   Going out on honeymoon is a given. However, the quainter your choice of destination, the better it would be. For then, you can spend all your time clicking pictures while your wife sends out minute-by-minute account of your trip to her friends on watsapp or wechat. The pictures can then be uploaded and will fetch you a record number of likes. After all, who wouldn’t want to be tagging along with you and your spouse on your honeymoon?

 

Q7. How does one go about bonding with one’s spouse?

A.   That’s a relevant question. You can wish your spouse on the FB a very happy wedding anniversary or birthday, as the case may be. Nobody will wonder why and how you cannot do so in the privacy of your home. In fact people will be happy that you wished your spouse in the first place. You can also put up pictures of the two of you holding hands or cosying up in public. Better still, you can update your status to: “Enjoying with my jaanu…” or keep it cryptic with: “Having fun” and your spouse can immediately comment with a “WITH ME!!!”

 

Q8. Do we have to stop being affectionate and lovey-dovey towards our spouse if he/she is dead and gone? Also, how about our parents?

A.   No, there is no way someone else’s death should come in the way of your presence in the virtual world. If someone close happens to pass over to the other side, you can quickly log onto your favourite networking site or app and share with all and sundry how your spouse/parent is gone and how lonely and ‘lost’ you are. Nobody will be wise or rude enough to comment how you weren’t lost enough to log on!

 

Q.9 What can a religious person do to keep connected to his spiritual side?

A. Every religion expects its followers to perform certain rites time and again. However, now it’s all available on the Net. You can perform virtual aartis. You can even attend poojas that your parents/family organised in your native home even without being there, thanks to Skype.

Also, the more devout can send out bulk messages containing Saibaba’s picture or that of a ten-headed snake and experience a miracle in next 10 days.

 

Q.10 Last, but not the least, how does one fulfil one’s duties towards one’s nation?

A. You can start out by sharing status message from the Prime Minister’s Office, no less. If you are an Indian, you can indulge in Pakistan-bashing and vice versa. You can also show your interest in the politics of the country by repeatedly sharing jokes on AAP or Rahul Gandhi.