Unsung Heroes

written on Oct 31

Today I want to talk about the unsung heroes of Bollywood. No, I don’t mean the clichéd, behind-the-scene technicians. I literally mean those who came to become heroes in amchi Bollywood industry, had everything going for them, an all-powerful dad, contacts, you name it, and yet couldn’t quite make it, hence, unsung.

But I will be their saviour. I will talk about them just because nobody else does. I will take up the cudgels on their behalf. So here goes my list of those who came, saw, but couldn’t quite conquer:

1.       Abhishek Bachchan: Before I start out, let me clarify that I am a DIEHARD Bachchan fan. The senior one, I mean. And I feel almost maternal for his offspring. Look at what AB Jr is stuck with and even you will feel the way I do. A dad with shoes almost impossible to fill and a wife way more accomplished than this guy, what is he to do? He started out with J.P. Dutta’s Refugee and we saw a lot of promise there. We have seen a few flashes in the pan like Yuva, Paa and even Bol Bachchan. A fixture of Dhoom series, AB Jr has been pitted against a bigger star with each subsequent Dhoom movie. The first one saw him against John Abraham (do-able). Then came Hrithik Roshan as the villain and AB Jr was treading on thin ice. He completely lost the plot when 2013 saw Aamir Khan as the villain. The pint-sized actor towered over AB Jr so much so that they could well have put a cardboard cutout against him and we would’ve been none the wiser.

2.       Tusshar Kapoor: The quintessential newcomer. His dad, Jeetendra, made a name for himself in Bollywood and down south as well. His sister, Ekta Kapoor, carved a niche for herself in the TV world as a producer. However, little Kapoor couldn’t do either. He started out with Mujhe Kuchh Kehna Hai…he should’ve taken that as a hint for things to come…his later movies, that did earn him a bit of fame, had him acting dumb (not the Bollywood heroine dumb, dumb as in mute)…where he ends up struggling to get his point across. We still haven’t got what he is trying to say/do in Bollywood. And this, despite sister dear trying her best to resurrect a career that never was (check out her Shootout movies).

3.       Uday Chopra: When your family business is one of Bollywood’s biggers production houses (Yashraj Films and even TV now), why don’t you take the trodden path, occupy the corner office and go about being a movie/TV show producer?  Who are you trying to convince that you are hero material when even decades after your debut (in home production Mohabbatein) audience isn’t convinced? In fact, whatever we saw of you, we got the feeling even you didn’t seem to know what you were doing (Mere Yaar ki Shaadi, Pyaar Impossible). Uday has most been liked as Abhishek Bachchan’s sidekick in the Dhoom series. But that’s just about it.

4.       Kishan Kumar: Ok, this guy is a little older than the rest of them, but what the heck!! Let me begin by saying that there’s nothing dashing about the “Dashing Kishan Kumar” as his debut movie posters projected him, obviously produced by brother and T-series honcho Gulshan Kumar. Starting way back in 1993 with Kasam Teri Kasam, KK has since dabbled in production, acted in regional movies but nothing has worked yet. Except his marriage to co-star ‘cute Tanya’ but more on her some other time. I cannot imagine this guy playing anything on the screen. He won’t look convincing enough even as a tree or a rock. And if they gave him a corpse’s role, I would want his face covered.

5.       Mimoh Chakraborty: Mithun Chakraborty and Yogeeta Bali’s son Mimoh could’ve been every girl’s poster boy. He has the height, skin and eye colour (both light) and the dance moves. But the acting gene gave him the miss. Ages ago, when he was born, daddy dearest named him after Michael Jackson and Mohammad Ali. Too ambitious, I must say. For this guy seemed to be sleep-walking through his debut movie. Where is he now? For our sake, I hope he is running daddy’s hotel business now.

6.       Harman Baweja: Harry Baweja’s son, also called the poor man’s Hrithik Roshan, is one of those rare cases where nothing works for you. This guy, he can go stand in a temple and ask God: Mere paas looks hain, physique hai, dance moves hain, acting thodi thodi hai, magar roles kahaan hain? At one point, his only claim to fame was an affair with Priyanka Chopra. Now, he’s Bipasha Basu’s arm candy.

7.       Adhyayan Suman: Already two movies old, he is Shekhar Suman’s son. At least daddy could talk about his debut movie against Rekha (Utsav), AS has nothing to say.  Again, he cannot be blamed. With a dad who’s had some elixir of youth, has grown 6-packs, is cutting music albums, what does that leave AS with? Funnily, even I don’t have much to say about him!

For the last three slots, I have men who I think deserve a few more chances before we give up on them:

8.       Jackky  Bhagnani: Producer Vashu Bhagnani’s son, JB can still be seen in an odd movie or two. His F.A.L.T.U and Youngistaan, didn’t go unnoticed. So let’s wait and watch.

9.       Tiger Shroff: One movie old, what is this person? I couldn’t sit through his Heropanti. He is too fair, his body is too chiselled and he dances too well. He would look better in print ads, methinks, fully clothed, mouth shut. Now if only he would pay heed.

10.   Girish Kumar: TIPS industries scion, GK starred in Ramaiyya Vastavaiya against Shruti Hassan. The only other thing worth mentioning about this guy, apart from his lineage, is that Taran Adarsh calls him ‘photogenic.’ Thank you so much for this observation but shouldn’t that be the least you can be if you want to make the cut on silver screen?

And if that was so, why didn’t anyone talk to Kishan Kumar?